As a preface for the coming entry…






Ahem… So, um, yeah. Also:



GOD DAMN, that man is SEXY AS FUCK! Deep breaths, Mandy, deep breaths… Lol! 😉 ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Now! Forwards to our post for today!

Jared Padalecki, Sam Winchester from Supernatural, has a campaign that he started. It’s called Always Keep Fighting, of AKF for short, and it started out as a way to raise awareness about depression and suicide and to raise money for the organization To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA). I didn’t find out about the campaign until he had already started selling the second t-shirt (this past year) to raise money for it, but when I did, I was ecstatic.

You see, I’ve known about TWLOHA for a very long time, back since my college days, and I even went so far as to have my (now ex)fiance design a tattoo for me based on the concept. Here, take a look:


I’ve always loved the French language and took 3 years of it in high school and was even told in community college (after I took a medical leave of absence from real college) that I should have tested out of the lower classes and into the higher classes because I was so good at it, but I insisted on staying in the lower classes because I didn’t remember a lot of the basics, contrary to what my teacher though (lol!). Haha.

L’amour means “love” in French, obviously, and once every year, TWLOHA encourages people to write the word “love” on their arms in support of people who cut and self-harm and are suicidal and depressed, to show those people that there are people out there in the world who love and support them, even if they don’t actually know them personally.

I just decided to take it a step further and get it permanently done on me. And I wanted it to be done by the man I love and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, as a symbolism of love. Also, the heart at the end is supposed to be shaped like a “teardrop” or a “blood drop”, and can be taken either way, to symbolize the cutting and depression, because I have obvious cutting scars on that arm (because obviously, I myself was a cutter back before my bipolar was officially diagnosed and I was being properly treated and medicated).

This tattoo was done in December of 2010. So this December will mark 5 years since I got my first tat! 😉 And a very meaningful one at that!

So of course I was DEEPLY touched that Jared from my FAVORITE TV series EVER had decided to choose THIS specific organization to back. And so I bought the second shirt from his campaign.

This is when I first got the shirt. It says “Moose & Squirrel Say Always Keep Fighting”, and the face on the left hand side of the picture is Jared’s and the face on the right hand side is Jensen’s. You can imagine my excitement at Jensen being on this shirt (squee!!!!!!!!!). 😉 “Moose & Squirrel” is a reference from SPN, for those not in the know. It’s what Crowley, the King of Hell, calls the boys, Jared/Sam being “Moose” (because he’s SO FREAKING TALL) and Jensen/Dean being “Squirrel” (Dunno why that name was picked, actually, lol).

I was MORE than happy to help support TWLOHA and Jared’s campaign and Jared himself and I love the shirt. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ (I am also wearing my Rowena cosplay wig in the picture, so that’s why you see red hair trailing down, lol! I’m a dirty blonde…a VERY “dirty” blonde…. 😉 )

And then Jared did a THIRD campaign, a third shirt, and I just HAD to get that one too, because I had missed the first one and I’ll be DAMNED if I miss out on any others, lol! So I did, I got the third.

Again, the “Moose” reference is there, with the horns, and the candle is there because, at a convention, a fan surprised Jared by passing out “Always Keep Fighting” LED tealight candles to everyone who entered the hall for the SPN panel and at a specified time, everyone held them up, to symbolize unity in supporting Jared, and he was floored and stunned and overwhelmed. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Well, all of the above was just kinda a backstory to preface what I’m about to tell you next: I reached out for help regarding dealing with my illnesses.

I called my local mental health clinic, that’s SUPPOSED to give free mental health care but might try to charge ME since I have actual insurance (ugh!), to try to make an initial appointment to talk to them about getting involved in their Dialectical Behavior Therapy program, a therapy that is supposed to be good for things like bipolar and anxiety and depression and whatnot. I have a book on it in regards to bipolar, but I’ve never really read it. Oops. :/

But regardless, I’m trying to get involved now, at the insistence of a friend who works for the clinic and my psychiatrist (and I think even my regular therapist), so that’s something.

I’ve been afraid to do it because I’m afraid it won’t work, that it’ll fail to help me, and I’ll be left dealing with the hell that is my life and my mind all on my own once more, or that these people will be incompetent and just makes things worse for me. Sigh. That last part is a very real fear in these parts of town. It’s known to happen. Blah.

But at least I’m trying, right? That’s what counts.

I’m going to “Always Keep Fighting”, like Jared says to, because that’s what I have to do. You can’t give up, you have to keep going. It’s a lesson I’m learning the hard way, but at least I’m learning it, ya know? So what I’m saying to you is:


❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s